Vasculitis or Vampire?
by bgn
Summary: Moonlight crossover with House. You know it's never vasculitis.


Takes place after Guy Talk chapter 22, The French Connection

**Vasculitis or Vampire?**

Josef, Sandrina, Mick and Beth were at JFK awaiting takeoff. They were on their way home after a month in Europe. The pilot stepped out of the cockpit and told Josef an airport official would like to come aboard.

The woman had a request: "All commercial flights are delayed for at least three hours but it doesn't affect private flights. There's a medical emergency in L.A. A Dr. Gregory House of Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital in New Jersey asked if he could fly with you. You are under no obligation, of course."

Josef knew he would have to say yes. When you're rich enough to own a private jet, you can insulate yourself from a lot but it's not good for your reputation to refuse to help in these circumstances. He smiled. "I'd be delighted."

When the airport official left, Josef turned to Beth. "Make this work for me."

Beth's eyes were sparkling. "Oh, I will. This is going to be great publicity."

Sandrina spoke up. "We're screwed. He's going to know we're vampires."

"No, he won't," Josef replied. "Why should he?"

"I know him. He'll figure it out."

"I've heard of him, too," Mick said. "He's had some famous patients. A presidential candidate, a jazz musician. He's kind of famous himself. But that doesn't mean he'll know."

"I didn't mean I know of him," Sandrina replied. "I actually know him. We were in medical school at Johns Hopkins."

Mick looked at Josef. "We might be screwed."

"Too late now," Josef said. "We'll be careful. Beth, you're our only human. You take the lead with him. The rest of us will keep our distance. Sandy, will he definitely recognize you?"

"Maybe not. I had big hair and more makeup."

"In med school?"

Sandrina shrugged. "It was the '80s."

Josef went to the open door where a staircase was in place. A cart pulled up and a tall man got out awkwardly. He had a limp, a cane, a garment bag and a trumpet case.

House watched as Josef turned away and spoke to someone. The staircase was rolled away and replaced by a lift. House was thinking that it was easy to make rich people feel guilty. They didn't like to watch cripples hobble up stairs. Still, it was a nice gesture and the guy was doing him a favor so House thanked him when he got to the door.

"No problem. Welcome aboard. I'm Josef Kostan." He indicated the others: "Sandrina Linden, Beth Turner, Mick St. John."

"Greg House." House looked at the four of them. He had thought all the pretty people worked at PPTH.

Mick stepped forward. "Let me take these." He stowed the garment bag and trumpet case in a closet.

Josef thought Sandy was right about the guy being observant. The passenger was untidy but his blue eyes were sharp. Josef was glad House had his hands full and couldn't shake hands during introductions.

The door was closed and the plane was moving. They strapped in and the engines roared. A few minutes later they were climbing. The seats faced each other. Beth sat beside House with Mick and Josef across from them and Sandrina at the end farthest from House.

"So you're a doctor with a medical emergency," Beth began. "Exciting for us, but I'm sorry about your patient. I hope he or she will be all right."

"He'll be fine," House replied.

"So it's not a matter of life and death?" Beth sounded a little disappointed.

"Not exactly."

A detective is naturally suspicious and Mick had good instincts besides. He was already putting it together. "Do you play the trumpet?"

"Nope. It was a gift from a patient. I'm giving it back."

"John Henry Giles?"

"You know him?"

"I've heard him play. I know you cured him a few years ago. And he's playing in L.A. tonight. I've been planning to go. Are you? Is that the emergency?"

"What are you, a detective?"

"Yes."

"And a jazz fan. Just my luck." House turned to Josef. "You aren't going to turn the plane around, are you?"

Josef seemed amused, not angry. "I would say you've got a really big pair but you'd probably drop your pants and prove it. I need a drink. Will you have some scotch?"

House was soon loosening up with the finest scotch he had ever tasted. Josef had decided that getting House drunk was the best way to make sure he didn't notice anything unusual.

"Do really rich people all know each other?" House asked.

"Well, we often travel in the same circles," Josef replied.

"Do you know Oprah?"

"Yes, she oversees one of my charity funds."

"Warren Buffet?"

"Of course. We're both in finance."

"Bill Gates?"

"We've only met once."

"I know a guy who used to know him," Mick said, thinking of Logan.

"Who else?" House mused. "You live in L.A. What about Steven Spielberg?"

"Sure. I've invested in some of his films."

"I almost interviewed him once for BuzzWire," Beth mentioned.

"I'm slipping," House said. "That's why you look familiar." He glanced at Sandrina. "You look familiar, too. Are you a doctor?"

"I'm a landscape designer."

This was dangerous ground but fortunately they were interrupted by House's phone. He checked caller ID. Wilson. "Mile High Club," House answered. "Are you a member?"

"Where are you?" Wilson asked.

"Flying to L.A."

"All flights were cancelled."

"I'm on a private plane."

"You chartered a plane?!"

"Of course not. I know a guy."

"You don't know a guy with a plane."

"I must because I'm on it."

"Did you ask a stranger for a ride to California?"

"There are no strangers. Only friends you haven't met."

"I think I may vomit."

"I gagged just saying it. By the way, your BFF status is revoked. Josef Kostan replaced you. He's rich beyond your wildest dreams of avarice and he's not stingy with his scotch."

"I've given you plenty of scotch."

"Not like this. He's been in Europe and he stopped in Scotland before coming home. There are only 20 bottles on the planet and he owns 12 of them. I can taste the peat smoke."

"And I can smell the BS. Does he know he's your new BFF?"

"Not yet."

"Don't bother telling him. It'll be over before you hit the Pacific Time zone. He'll know you better by then."

When they hung up Josef nodded towards Mick and told House "I already have a BFF."

"You're too young for me, anyway," House replied.

Josef smiled. "But I have an old soul."

"I'm more interested in your aged scotch."

House's phone rang again. One glance at caller ID and he handed the phone to Josef. "Would you take this? My boss wants to yell at me because she thinks her hospital will have to pay for this flight."

Josef answered the call. "I'm Josef Kostan. I'm rich beyond your wildest dreams of avarice and I have my own jet. Dr. House asked for a ride. You won't be charged."

"But why would you agree to take him?" Cuddy asked with amazement.

"It was a humanitarian gesture for a medical emergency."

"There is no medical emergency."

"I didn't know that at the time." House was holding up a page he had written on and Josef obediently read from it: "But it doesn't matter because Dr. House is an amusing and delightful traveling companion."

"You must have an imposter aboard. Describe him."

"Tall, limps, uses a cane, badly dressed and poorly groomed."

"That's him. Since you're not billing me, you have my sympathy. Please give him a parachute if you have to throw him out. He is my best doctor." She ended the call.

It rang again almost immediately. "Everybody loves me," House told his fellow passengers. He was surprised when he saw who was calling. "I met a man whose hair is better than yours." House was looking at Mick. "And cleaner."

"Bet he doesn't suck up to you like I do," Chase responded with his Australian accent.

"You stopped sucking up a couple of years ago."

"Good luck charming the new guy into taking over. Let me talk to Josef Kostan."

"You know him?"

"Slightly."

House handed his phone to Josef.

"This is Kostan."

"Robert Chase. You may not remember but we met a few years ago."

"Skiing in Gstaad. I do remember. But I forgot what hospital you worked at."

"The one where my boss was the most obnoxious person in the world."

"I assumed you were exaggerating. Now I know you're an honest man."

"He's not my boss anymore but he can still make my life miserable. He deserves any lesson you want to teach him but if you could just ignore him instead . . ."

Josef laughed. "Don't worry about it."

"Thanks. Foreman wants to talk to him."

Josef handed the phone back to House. "Someone called Foreman."

House took the phone. "Re-test the blood work and do an MRI."

"It's not a case."

"Then why are we talking?"

"Is there a woman on board?"

"Thirteen got an itch you can't scratch? I'm not pimping for you."

Foreman sighed. "It's a simple question, House. Yes or no?"

"Not that simple. There are two."

"Is one of them Sandrina Linden?"

"How did you know?"

"I'm surprised you don't read L.A. Tempo. She's Kostan's girlfriend and she's a psychiatrist. I referred a couple of patients to her when I worked in L.A."

The three vampire faces were impassive because they weren't supposed to be able to hear both sides of the conversation. But they were all thinking "We're screwed."

"Interesting," House said as he ended the call. He studied Sandrina for a minute before announcing "Cassie Wells."

Sandrina decided to bluff. "Cassandra Wells was my mother. She was a psychiatrist."

"Was?"

"She died two years ago."

"I don't think so. Somehow, you're the same person."

"I don't think anyone can have enough work done to erase 25 years."

"That's not the strangest thing about this situation." House was studying Mick and Josef. "You're all a little too pale. St. John's hand was cold when he took my stuff. So is Kostan's. Something circulatory? Blood disorder? Albinism?" House was thinking out loud. He wished he had a whiteboard.

Beth jumped in, saying lightly: "Is this an occupational hazard with doctors, especially a diagnostician? We're all fine."

House barely glanced at her. "You're slightly anemic but there's probably nothing else wrong with you. But the others are different." When House heard hoof beats he thought of a zebra instead of a horse, especially when some long-ago memory was nudging him. "You're vampires."

Sandrina gave up. "I knew you'd figure it out. I remember what you were like."

"And I remember you, Cassie. So what happens now? Do you have to kill me to keep the secret?" House didn't sound particularly worried.

"Nobody's getting killed," Mick said.

"Not on the plane," Josef added. "But there are tar pits in L.A."

"Of course we aren't going to kill you," Sandrina said. She brought something out of her bag. "Have you ever seen a perfect ruby this size in pigeon blood red?" Her voice was soft and calm as she swung the heart on its platinum chain. It had been Josef's birthday gift to her last year.

"Watch how the light catches each facet. It almost looks like the heart is beating . . . beating . . . beating." Sandrina completed the hypnosis. She carefully replaced House's memories of the flight with other images and imbedded suggestions to override his suspicions. She finished with: "You will sleep until you hear the pilot's voice."

They all sat quietly, afraid to break the silence. Fortunately the flight was almost over. A voice over the intercom: "This is your pilot. We are approaching L.A. and will be landing in a few minutes."

House woke up. He looked around, a little confused. "Did I pass out? That doesn't usually happen unless I take pills with the booze."

"You dozed off," Beth told him. "I had a nap, too."

"So we were sleeping together?"

"Was it as good for you as it was for me?"

House smiled appreciatively and opened his mouth to reply. Mick handed him the garment bag and trumpet case. "Don't answer that."

"There's a car waiting to take you wherever you're headed," Josef told House. "But you're on your own getting back home."

"Well, this has been fun. Thanks for the scotch."

They all watched as the lift lowered House. A car pulled up and a driver got out and took his luggage.

"Wow," Beth said with relief. "I'm totally impressed with you, Sandrina, but you made it seem too easy. Will this really work?"

"It did last time."

"What?!" In unison from Josef, Mick and Beth.

"It's not the first time I hypnotized Greg," Sandrina said. "That's why it was easier this time. He found out about vampires at Johns Hopkins. I did the same thing then and it lasted for 25 years."

"He was your lab partner, right?" Josef asked hopefully. "That's when he noticed something?"

"No, he figured it out when we slept together."

"I knew it! I knew he would turn out to be another Denny Crane!"

Sandrina gave Josef a look. "I've slept with well under a hundred people in 200 years. How are you doing at 400? Do you really want to go there?"

Josef winced a little. "You're right. That's not a trip I'm going to take." He went on with only a tinge of whine in his voice. "But why do I have to keep meeting yours?"

Mick thought he better get Josef off that subject. "I suppose this means I can't go hear John Henry Giles tonight."

"It would be best if House didn't see us again," Sandrina agreed. "I'm sorry."

Mick was good-natured. He turned to Beth. "It's probably just as well. We can play with Travis and unpack."

Beth was worried. "I hope he doesn't hate us for leaving him for a month."

Josef rolled his eyes at the cat talk but made a mental note to find out when and where Giles was playing next. He would make sure Mick got to hear him even if he had to arrange a private performance.

They left the plane. Benny, Josef's driver and sometimes bodyguard, had loaded the luggage into the limo and was waiting to welcome them home.

On the way to his hotel, House frowned at the vague memory of some weird dreams during the flight. He dismissed them and reminded himself to tell Foreman that his shrink colleague was no longer practicing. And he wondered how he could get a bottle of that scotch from Kostan.


End file.
